It doesn't matter if you're single or in a relationship, a hot sexting session can do wonders for your health. That's right. You might just think of virtual dirty talk as something to pass the time, but there are incredible mental, emotional and (obviously) sexual benefits to filthy cyber sex with a consenting partner.
You might already consider yourself a sexting God or you might be a total newbie. Whatever your experience level, everyone could use a few tips or a refresher in the art of sexting. Consider us your certified sex educator, because this is your ultimate guide to talking dirty over text. Here's everything you need to know about how to sext.
Before we get into the tips and tricks, there are a few golden rules you need to keep in mind before, during, and after communication with your sexting partner. For the best sexting experience, keep these three rules in mind at all times.
This is the number one rule to keep in mind. Sure, it can be tempting to just jump straight in and get going as soon as you get the urge, but doing so can lead down a dangerous path. You need to make sure that both you and your sexting partner are in the mood for some dirty talk, otherwise you're violating their wishes.
Not to mention that sexting is much different to other kinds of conversation. For example, feel free to wax lyrical about your bad day unprompted, but firing sexy messages or sexy pics at someone who doesn't want them can be construed as sexual harassment. Keep things fun and keep things consensual. Sexting should be a mutual experience, not a one-sided conversation.
Just like you would in real life, it's sometimes a good idea to make your intentions clear right from the word go. It might sound like a clunky start to your sexting conversation, but it'll help avoid a lot of awkward moments down the line. If you're already in a relationship with the other person, this isn't a big deal, but if she's a FWB, you should take a moment to recalibrate.
Are you both just flirty friends looking for casual fun? Do you both want something more down the line? Not only are these important questions to ask before initiating sexting, but they'll also play into your role play scenarios too. E.g., if you're both looking for love, your fantasies could involve you eating whipped cream off each other in bed. If you're just casual buddies, this might seem a bit too intense.
Sexting allows you to go wild and explore your deepest sexual desires, and any good sext session will eventually go down this route. However, there's a big difference between good sexting and simply going crazy. Not to mention that your idea of good sex might be completely different to your partner's.
That means don't go in all guns blazing. Don't suddenly steer the fantasy towards spanking, anal sex, deepthroating, or any other sex act that might be a little too extreme. There's a difference between dirty things and really dirty things, so make sure your role play scenarios fall in line with your partner's sex preferences too.
Now you know the main rules, it's time for a masterclass in the art of sexting. Don't just dive in and start talking about your genitals, because that won't get you anywhere. We've put together an extensive list of sexting ideas to elevate you to a sext guru.
The truth is that your partner won't already be dripping wet by the time you start sexting. It's your job to get her to that point. How do you do it? Well the simple answer is to start out light. Gradually build up to the hot moment where you go all in. Let your partner know that you're in the mood for fun and slowly build up the role play scenario from that point. Once you know she's turned on, then it's time to send the first real steamy sext.
We've got a ton of sexting examples in our complete guide, but here are a few to get you started.
"I'm so tired from work, babe. I think I need those magic hands of yours to relax me."
"Oh, you're relaxing on the bed? Need a hand with that?"
Just like real sex, you'll want to tease your partner with some light foreplay before you get to the main course. You want to plant the seed of eroticism and then describe how you'd use your hands and tongue to get her juices flowing and her nerve endings tingling. Brief mentions of stimulating her erogenous zones will be more than enough to get the engine revving, allowing you to smoothly transition into full-fledged sexting messages.
Sexting involves words, pictures and your imaginations, but any good author knows you can easily stimulate the reader by invoking sensory reactions. For example, if your fantasy scenario involves you getting naughty on satin bedsheets, describe how they feel against her skin. Tell her that you're wearing that cologne she loves. Describe how she tastes when you orally pleasure her. Involving senses makes sexting more pleasurable for everyone.
There's an art to sending photos. Don't just turn your camera to selfie mode and shoot whatever pops up. Everyone has features they want to highlight and likewise, features they want to hide. When you send nude photos, utilize fancy angles to give your new partner the best visual material possible. Along the same lines, don't give everything away at once. Instead of unveiling your explicit body parts at the first opportunity, keep the surprise waiting.
This one isn't super important if you're in a long term relationship, but if you haven't yet got sexy with your current partner, it's crucial. When you've progressed to the photo-sharing portion of your sext session, you want to hit your partner with a raunchy snap immediately. You can end up wasting valuable time and killing momentum if you take one right there and then, so have a backlog of sexy photos available to send a moment's notice.
When she's got a vibrator in one hand and a phone in the other, the last thing she wants to do is read a huge wall of text. Your sexts should be short and succinct, not lengthy efforts of literature. Not only that, but keep your naughty texts adult in nature. Don't over-use emojis or use childish language. And definitely DO NOT use an abundance of exclamation points because there's nothing less sexy.
If you've already been seeing your partner a while, chances are you've got up to a few sexy shenanigans in your time. If that's the case, then use these memories to invigorate your sext sessions. Or perhaps you're texting an ex who you want to rekindle things with. Try combining old memories with new ideas to tempt them back into your love life.
"I miss feeling you underneath me, like those nights we spent fucking all night."
"I can't stop thinking about that time we did it in that hotel room. Maybe we should relive it tomorrow night?"
See our complete guide to sexting examples for more.
You don't have to limit yourself to just photos and text messages. Another great way to spice up your sext session is through voice messages. Voice notes are not only much quicker and way more immersive, but they'll also add an extra layer of intimacy. During sext sessions, we often worry that the other person isn't as into it as we are. However, a steamy voice message shows how committed you are to the scenario.
What's the point of sexting if you're not using it to indulge your filthiest sexual desires? You can literally act out any scenario you want during a sexting session, so it's the perfect opportunity to let loose and go a little wild. Maybe she's the sex therapist and you're the porn-addicted loser? You could be the headmaster and she could be the disobedient student? Ask your partner what they're into and gradually transition into a roleplay cyber sext session.
Don't sleep on emojis. In today's world of constant interactivity, emojis are the quickest way to portray your feelings without the need for words. For instant, quirky responses, you need to learn the emoji sex code:
And if you get creative, you can pretty much portray any reaction in emoji form. Ejaculation? Eggplant emoji plus water emoji. Ass stuff? Try a chocolate donut emoji. There are literally thousands of combinations you can employ to get your point across.
There are two main sexting types; narration and direction. Narration involves you describing a hypothetical scenario, like, "I walk into your bedroom and find you waiting for me in lingerie." Direction is when a person commands the other to do something, like, "tell me how it feels when you're touching yourself." Both have their places in the sexting world, and it's a good idea to jump between the two to keep things different.
Anyone who knows how to sext knows that momentum is the secret weapon. You need to keep the conversation on an upward trajectory at all times. The moment you stall or go offline or disappear for two minutes, you can consider your sexting session over. Of course, it's easy to get tongue tied at times, but as long as your partner knows that you're present, you'll at least keep the momentum on track.
Sexting needs to be a two-way street. While you have a duty to satisfy your partner, it's also important that you satisfy yourself too. You want your partner to know exactly what you're into so she can address your sexual pleasures too. Just give her a quick sample of the things that get you going before you begin sexting and that'll be more than enough for her to latch onto.
If you're feeling playful, it's often a good idea to take your hot conversations to the next level through video or voice chat. You don't just have to talk through text messages, and quite often, real-time chats are a lot more thrilling than text-only conversations. As well as knowing how to sext, it's vital you know how to take things to the next level too.
We mentioned this earlier but it's important to reiterate - don't go TOO crazy. Stick to what you know she likes, otherwise you'll pull her out of the fantasy. If you usually stick with the vanilla stuff, don't suddenly start talking about fisting or watersports. Stay in your comfort zone and aim to give your partner a thrilling virtual experience. That way, it will translate more readily to real life hookups. Make sure you're both on the same page at all times.
Learning how to sext won't just aid you in a virtual environment - it can actually massively improve your physical sex life too. These days, sexting is a fundamental component of the entire sexual experience. It's basically the modern version of first base, so it pays to know your way around. Not to mention that it's a fun way to explore yours and your partner's fantasies.
Following our golden rules and handy tips will help turn you from a newbie into a bona fide sext God. Whether you're reminiscing about old adventures or crafting new experiences for the future, sexting has something for everyone. Before you make it real, try exploring it through the power of modern technology instead. We hope you've learned something from our how to sext guide!